Internal Investigations

An investigation by an NFTA appointed “independent” board concluded on June 16 found that officer Adam Brodsky followed “proper procedure” in pepper-spraying a nonviolent war protester from behind. Here’s a novel idea. Wouldn’t it be great if we could be judged by a jury of our choosing too?

Rejection

HSBC Bank announced on June 18 they were seeking bids for their 175 upstate branches, abandoning a locale with $21 billion in deposits and a long history to pursue more lucrative foreign markets. I think we just got dumped for the rich, more popular cities. It’s like high school all over again.

Libertarian's Paradise

Former Buffalo resident and Somali prime minister Mohamed Mohamed stepped down from the top spot on June 19, ending his eight-month attempt to govern an essentially unogvernable country wrought by poverty, civil war, and veritable anarchy. Hey, Tea Party! Hate the government? Move to Somalia.

Wild Pitches

State police ticketed a 20-year-old Buffalo man on June 20 for posession after an ill-fated attempt to ditch his stash prior to being pulled over went terribly awry. While driving on the I-190, the man allegedly threw a bag of pot out the window—which then proceeded to land directly on a trailing policeman’s hood.

Career Paths

The celeb gossip site TMZ broke the news on June 20 that pornographic actress Sammie Spades, star of such films as Big Butts Like It Big #8 and White Bubble Butts #4, was formerly an intern with Hillary Clinton’s office in Buffalo. Not to knock the girl’s work, but it’s nice to see those internships finally pay off.

Projected number of parking tickets issued by the Buffalo Parking Department in the fiscal year ending June 30, according to figures reported by the Buffalo News and released on June 17. This represents a 23 percent increase over the previous year when 136,102 tickets were written. The city projects revenue of some $9.2 million from parking fines and penalties.