In celebration of Valentine’s Day, Artvoice did the dirty work for single-and-looking Buffalonians. We scoured various dating sites and matched profiles, playing our own version of Cupid for the digital age.

Dramatizations by Jill Greenberg & Cory Perla, illustrations by David Saracino

Cannoli Guy on Craigslist 37/M My dream girl is very pretty, curvy, Buffalo gal. I’m looking for a long-term relationship. She must love to drink and cook Italian food. Good morals are a must.

Italian Shorty from Match.com 38/F A short Italian (hehe) with more to love. Favorite Dish: Penne with Vodka sauce. Last read: a Christian book on ethics. Hobbies: Going to Sabres games.

A++ from OK Cupid 27/M I’m a family-oriented school librarian who loves to jog, read, and travel. I’m looking for my missing puzzle piece. I’m just hoping to find someone with whom I can spend time, get to know, and build a relationship. I will treat a man right.

Book Party from Craigslist 24/M I’ve been told that I’m handsome, sweet, and funny. I have a great personality. I’m not perfect but I’m far better…I’m real. I like to read, catch up with my friends, and go to upscale restaurants. I like to have sex (only in a long term relationship) I value chivalry and thoughtfulness. What more can a guy want?

BuffDaddy from OK Cupid 19/M Hitting the gym regularly and staying body conscious is a must. I like to push the adrenaline threshold: Bungee jumping, Sky diving, Mountain climbing and more. Just looking for someone to run on the treadmill of my life, nothing serious. I work hard and play even harder.

JoggingSuit from Craigslist 20/F If you own sweatpants…I like to run and do crunches. I’m looking for a guy who wants to workout and shower…perhaps together, after a good run on the treadmill. I’m not interested in something serious. I would like a workout with benefits. What is your favorite workout? I like cardio, anything that gets my heart pumping.

Salt N Pepper from Artvoice Classifieds 41/M A handsome silver fox seeking a single woman who takes care of herself and knows how to unwind. I can be the honest and trustworthy man you’ve been looking for.

Neat N Tidy from Match.com 40/F I’m single by choice but ready to meet a partner. I’m not much of a partier. I would rather have dinner or just relax at home with a few of my close friends than go to a bar. I have a great sense of style and I am very neat. I love to sing (but I don’t have a good voice) and dance at weddings.

OnTheEdge from OK Cupid 25/M Oh please, I live on the edge…but seriously, I also think about the next step in my life. I like to party on Saturday nights, which may involve going out to a few bars, a house party, or even a laid-back night at home with a cold Molson and a good Zorro movie. I’m looking for a girl with a lot of energy and a sense of humor.

SwashbucklingGal from Craigslist 22/F I don’t know a lot, but I know that I’m looking for a partner in crime, a curious, outgoing swashbuckler. I used to be spontaneous but now I think I need a refreshing change, a wake up call, to go with the flow again and find my free spirit. I like to party or just relax. Would love to drink a Labatt and watch Anchorman with a cute dude.

How I Lost It

(In 140 characters or less)

Artvoice put out a request on Twitter for stories about how our readers lost, you know, it. Some first times were funny, some fiery, and some downright depressing. A selection below:

@ In the backseat of my car, like a #RabidChipmunk.

@ While listening to Led Zeppelin’s How the West Was Won version of “Dazed and Confused.” #EpicSongEpicSex

@ Snuck over to her house on a random day off from school. #AllOverTheHouse.

@ On my father’s living room floor while he was on vacation. He had shut the heat off too, and it was freezing. #GottaKeepWarm

@ I was too young, smoking pot in my dad’s bed. #CuzIGotHigh

@ My high school boyfriend visited me at college my freshman year. He said, “I brought a condom,” I said, “Cool.” #GladWeAgree

@ I was 17 and my boyfriend was 18. We couldn’t stand the embers any longer, so we decided we just had to throw some wood on there and light a fire. #SexOnFire

@ I imagine I lost my virginity the same way everyone else did: quick, awkward and with someone I wasn’t dating. #AwkwardTurtle

@ It was in my best friend’s basement. It not only had a blacklight but a fuzzy blacklight poster of a tiger. To top it all off, my new sexy white underwear were glowing. #GlowInTheDark

@ “I thought it would hurt, but it didn’t. It was great and we were so excited that we had to tell his roommate #ThoughtYouShouldKnow

Stay Safe, Kids

Locations for procuring free condoms. Get down and stay safe on Valentine’s Day.

Terrapin Station (1172 Hertel Ave.) offers one free condom per person.

AIDS Community Services of Western New York (206 South Elmwood Ave.)

Planned Parenthood (2697 Main St.)

Buffalo State Weigel Health Center (1300 Elmwood Ave.) and University at Buffalo Health Services (Michael Hall, South Campus) offer free condoms for students.