Yes, it’s Christmas time again. Time once more to hang the decorations, sing carols, drink hot chocolate, send cards to loved ones and participate in the obligatory “Secret Santa” at the office. Designed to strengthen the interpersonal atmosphere among workers, the practice is meant to make the CEO think a bit about the present he has to buy for that nameless punk in the mailroom—the one with the pierced tongue and the tattoo that’s clearly visible above his collar. It’s also a chance for the nameless punk to buy something nice for that techno-girl working over in collections.

We sent a list of area notables to other area notables—public officials, bloggers, business people, media personalities, you name it—requesting their ideas for “Secret Santa” gifts. It’s interesting what the fog of anonymity will encourage people to suggest.

Buffalo Mayor Byron Brown

A trip to Cleveland

A desktop model of the new Bass Pro store in Auburn, New York

A parking ticket

A practical joke book

A fish

An “Um” Catcher—I think they sell them at Sharper Image

A pass from Maurice Garner that says, “You don’t owe me anything anymore.”

Erie County Executive

Joel Giambra

A trip back in time

A victory in the case of Giambra et al v. Secretary of the Interior (the anti-casino case pending in federal court)

A duck. A lame one.

A one-way ticket to anywhere but Buffalo

A Dale Carnegie Scholarship

A chance to go back in time and start over

NYS Governor-elect Eliot Spitzer

A trip to the moon

A flak jacket for his use on Day One

Some bad press, for a change

An apartment in Buffalo

Alan Hevesi’s chauffeur

An invitation to Sheldon Silver’s retirement party

US Representative

Brian Higgins

A trip to the Earth

Louise Slaughter’s phone number

The Electric Company DVD set

A map of Buffalo (without the waterfront)

A haircut (By the way, Bono called. He wants his glasses back.)

A new tailor

US Senator Hillary Clinton

A trip to Buffalo

A copy of Barack Obama’s new book

A pool boy

Al Gore as a worthy candidate

A cookbook of cookie recipies

A progressive platform for her presidential campaign

Amherst Supervisor Satish Mohan

A trip to a Civilian Medal of Honor

He has it all

A copy of How to Win Friends and Influence People

Erie County Executive aspirations

Anything he wants

New plumbing. And new colleagues

Buffalo Schools Superintendent James Williams

A trip to a well deserved vacation

A new BTF president

A DVD of Lean on Me

I’d like to give him a well behaved student body and concerned active parents

Self-defense courses for teachers

A new job in a new city

BTF President Phil Rumore

A trip to a well deserved vacation with James Williams

A nice retirement home in Turkmenistan

A sense of humor

A gold watch

An apple

A pink slip

A new job in the same new city as James Williams

Albright-Knox Director

Louis Grachos

A trip to Richard Bronstein’s warehouse

A new endowment so that he doesn’t have to sell off old art in order to buy new

A gift certificate to eBay

A finger paint set

Nothing old, something new, something borrowed—maybe from Picasso’s Blue Period

Buffalo Niagara Partnership’s Andrew Rudnick

A trip to reality

A nice retirement home in Uzbekistan

A shiny new bowtie

Moustache wax

An invitation to his own retirement party

Buffalo Sabres owner

Tom Golisano

A trip to the Stanley Cup

A copy of Judge Skretny’s decision for the plaintiffs in Giambra et al v. Secretary of the Interior (the anti-casino case)

A fricking medal

A pair of skates

A long season

Buffalo News columnist Donn Esmonde

A trip back from the 1960s

A copy of Kevin Gaughan’s new book

The space where Mary Kunz Goldman’s column used to be

A job at a real newspaper

A cable subscription to Lifetime Network, so he can get his fill of drama in the privacy of his own home, and just write like a normal columnist for his day job

A Band-Aid for his bleeding heart

A series of poignant, one-sentence paragraphs

Buffalo News columnist

Mary Kunz Goldman

A trip to the Improv

Tom Bauerle’s morning slot

The entire Beatles CD collection

A clue

An autographed picture from Warren Buffet

A religious experience combining beer, Beethoven and Bill Buckley

Buffalo Beast publisher

Paul Fallon

A trip to City Hall

A signed photograph of the Buffalo Corporation Counsel

An old copy of National Lampoon

A good lawyer

Kudos

A lobotomy

WBEN’s Tom Bauerle

A trip back from the 1950s

An actual ex-CIA officer to interview about homeland security rather than a guy from Erie

The Koran

Laryngitis

Elevator shoes

WHLD 1270’s Joe Schmidbauer and Grady Hawkins

A trip to the United States

A more powerful transmitter

A subscription to Sirius Satellite Radio

Official Communist Party sweatshirts and some listeners

Car salesman Billy Fucillo

A trip to something small

The rest of Grand Island

Huge, inflatable letters: S, T, F, and U.

An electric car

A muzzle

Entertainer Lance Diamond

A trip to the Peppermint Lounge

Platform shoes

A year’s supply of roses

A brand new spangley pantsuit for his New Year’s Show a the Tralf

A wheelchair

Real estate mogul (and Bigfoot enthusiast) Hans Mobius

A trip to the middle of a forest in Saskatchewan

Another go-round with Sam Savarino

A gift card to Wyndham Hotels & Resorts

Who cares?

Buffalo’s waterfront

A trip to Canada

A park

Anything, as long as it’s not made of concrete

A PGA golfcourse

We have a waterfront?

Buffalo’s East Side

A trip to 1945 Berlin

A land-bank

A benefactor

Hope

A future

Buffalo’s downtown

A trip to Buffalo’s downtown in the 1960s

A new ECC campus with 1,000 faculty, 5,000 students and a new president

A renovated Main Place Mall

A red light district

A train going to or coming from anywhere

A paved Main Street…that toy train can go to some other city

People

Artvoice

A trip to Pulitzerville

A towering new headquarters overlooking the Buffalo News building

A $25 chip to the Seneca Niagara Casino

A subscription to Buffalo Rising