(gas pump) bells will be ringing

What with the price of gasoline, it seems like every wedding is a destination wedding now. I have a cousin getting married in Baltimore at the end of August, and no matter how I manage it—airline tickets or two tanks of gas—the trip down will cost as much as the motel room for two nights. I’m not cheap, but I am broke. Can I go without bringing a wedding present? And, if I do go sans gift, should I explain I can’t afford it so they don’t think I’m just a thoughtless jerk?

—I’m a Thoughtless Jerk

The Practical Cogitator says: Go to the wedding. You have up to a year after the wedding to send a gift. Go to the wedding and take along a camera; you can take fun wedding pictures of all the guests and make a personalized album for your cousin. If the wedding were for a distant friend or someone you haven’t seen in a long time, you could probably get out of it, but this is family, and you should be there.

Roller Girl says: I recently dropped several grand to get to a wedding overseas and the couple insisted I not bring them a gift. I got them a book that was part of a joke we’d discussed. (Still a good book, but funny in context.)

Cheap but thoughtful is the best way to go, a token if nothing else. If you’re not close enough to them to pull that off, why are you worrying so much?

Ruthless says: Do you really want to go to Baltimore that bad? You are totally unclear on the concept here. People invite people (especially cousins) to weddings precisely for the gift (which, hopefully, is cash), not for their distant relative’s company. Send the present or mail the envelope—and skip the wedding. Any idea how much it costs to feed, libate, and entertain even one party guest at your average wedding? It’s about $100 for a traditional reception including appetizers, sit-down dinner, and open bar. Trust me, they’ll be relieved if you RSVP in the negative—or at least the parents of the bride will be.

And from what I gather of your socio-economic status, no one will be expecting any Tiffany, Wedgewood, Waterford, or Lalique from you, so you’ll certainly spend less on the gift and postage than you would on a plane ticket and motel.

Dr. Sigmund Fraud says: Weddings, they say, are one of life’s most stressful occasions. When I was younger, I used to think they were referring to the couple getting ready to exchange vows. As I’ve grown older, I’ve come to understand that they are in fact much more stressful for the guests who have to interrupt their schedules—often on beautiful summer weekends—to attend what can be viewed as a self-aggrandizing ceremony for two people who have already discovered bliss. What of the rest of us? We go broke worrying that the deluxe toaster we give the bride and groom will not be laughed at and unceremoniously stored in the cabinet below the sink.

Here’s what I recommend. Beg, borrow, and steal to attend. Why? Because I get the sense that you’re a young, single person, struggling to make your way in the world. Further, you won’t be the only young, single person at the wedding who’s in the same boat. Weddings, once the drinks start flowing, can be really romantic affairs for everyone. Go just for the conversation and the dancing. The hokey pokey, the chicken dance, the electric slide…do them all. I’ve attended several weddings that evolved into erotic adventures later in the evening with bridesmaids whose beauty could only be appreciated by the hotel pool once they’d removed their hideous, lavender dresses. Sometimes, I’ll confess, I haven’t even known the bride and groom.

For that matter, where’s the wedding being held, exactly? I haven’t been to Baltimore in a long time.

Ask Anyone is local advice by and for local people. Please send your questions for our panel of experts to advice@artvoice.com.