Slippery Business

When I came home from work yesterday, I opened the front door, took a step into the tile entranceway, and nearly completed a backflip in the pike position after sliding across the floor on the three big, glossy, political fliers that had been dropped through the mail slot.

As I sat there, I noticed that the biggest was a nine-by-twelve-inch, two-sided, full color, card stock advertisement attacking Sam Hoyt, but promoting no one, paid for by Responsible New York, the group founded by billionaire Tom Golisano as “the antidote to these special interests and their narrow goals.” One was a glossy, eight-and-a-half-by-eleven-inch, full-color foldout for Sam Hoyt, paid for by Citizens for Sam Hoyt. One was a sturdy, full color, glossy, two-sided, cardstock advertisement for Barbra Kavanaugh, also eight-and-a-half-by-eleven, paid for by…

Well, it didn’t say.

I got out the magnifying glass and held it above the microscopic imprint below the bulk mail stamp. It read “Allied Printing Trades Council Union Label, Buffalo NY 14.” Try to give them a call. I dare you. A Web search will yield the same results as the phone book. The number is 852-7621. Call it and discover for yourself that it’s disconnected. Pay them a visit in person. They’re listed at 294 Franklin Street. Go there. You’ll find that 294 Franklin Street is now the Buckin’ Buffalo Saloon.

Call information. Ask for a number and address for Allied Printing Trades Council Union. They have no such listing. They’ll offer you a number for Allied Publishing, located on Delaware Avenue. Allied appears to sell magazine subscriptions to people who don’t really want to buy magazines, and then bill them, if comments from disgruntled people on the Internet are any indication.

I called Kavanaugh’s office and got an answering machine. I left a message. I swung by her campaign headquarters and it was closed. I wanted to ask if she sent out the flier stating her campaign promises, or at least if they were in fact her campaign promises, since nothing on the flier indicated who was responsible for sending out the mailing.

I gave a call to Responsible New York, which uses a 585 (Rochester) area code. I got an answering machine that says to call another number if, and only if, you are a member of the press. I called it and spoke with a woman there named Lorene Oliver. I told her I was calling from Artvoice, and said I was curious to find out who sent out the ad for Kavanaugh. She said that she didn’t know, and told me I should ask Democratic operative Steve Pigeon. She gave me his number and I gave him a call.

I introduced myself, said I was calling from Artvoice, and Pigeon told me he was right in the middle of something. By “something” he meant the Democratic National Convention that he’s attending with Golisano, according to the Buffalo News. He asked if he could call me back. I gave him the number.

Pigeon called back and I told him I was curious about the mailer attacking Sam Hoyt—paid for by Responsible New York—that had been written about in the Buffalo News on Wednesday, but that I was even more interested in the mailer for Barbra Kavanaugh. I told him I wondered who paid for that ad.

“Well, I think it’s pretty obvious,” Pigeon said. “Responsible New York is an independent, unauthorized campaign, so it’s got nothing to do with Barbra Kavanaugh. And I know you’re friends with Hoyt, but this is the way independent expenditures work.”

I wanted to be clear. I asked him if we were talking about the same ad. I received two. One was attacking Hoyt, paid for by Responsible New York. The other was pro-Kavanaugh, and nowhere on the ad was it indicated who paid for it. I read some copy to him: “Barbra Kavanaugh’s reform plan will change the way Albany does business.”

“Yeah,” said Pigeon, “I believe they’re both from Responsible New York.”

I pointed out that it wasn’t labeled on the mailer, so I just wanted to check.

“Well, then it could be…but I, umm, you know, umm. I’ll have to find out. I wasn’t doing the mailing. But if you give me time I’ll have Jack…I’ll ask one of my staffers to get a hold of you,” Pigeon offered.

“So do you know if two mailings went out?”

“No, that I really don’t know. That’s why I just told you I’ll ask my staff. Just tell Sam everything is being done independently and legally,” Pigeon advised.

“Tell Sam?” I asked.

“Well, I just, you know, assume he’s your friend.”

“Why would you assume I’m Sam Hoyt’s friend?” I asked, almost flattered to be considered the friend of a state assemblyman. For the record, I categorically deny any romantic involvement with Hoyt, although he did attend my street’s block party.

“I don’t know, I just thought you were. Um, but I just don’t know the answer to your question. So I will know it, and I’ll have someone call you in about a half an hour,” he promised.

As we go to press, I have yet to hear from anyone from Responsible New York who can verify whether or not they sent out a mailer promoting Barbra Kavanaugh. Or even someone there who knows how many mailings they sent out on a given day.

Truth be told, I haven’t even read the fliers in their entirety. Still, I’d like to know whom I should hold responsible for the dangerous slip-and-fall conditions I encountered in my doorway as a result of these slick mailings that sat there on my floor like a banana peel. The United States Postal Service?

I think I’m developing a serious pain in my neck and buttocks as a result of my tumble, not to mention the carpal tunnel syndrome I’m developing by making so many fruitless phone calls. My lawyer tells me that my pain and suffering is only likely to increase as this election season kicks into high gear.

—buck quigley