“Yeah, I was in Texas in the early ’80s. I said something like ‘Youse guys like so-and-so’ and one Texas guy says, ‘What’s “youse”?’ I said, ‘Youse.’ He said, ‘That’s not a word down here. “Ewes” is a sheep.’”

“Another guy asked me, ‘Are you a good hand?’ I said, ‘Yeah, I got good hands.’ And Tex says, ‘No, I mean are you a good hand.’ And I said, ‘Yeah, my hands are fine.’”

“You know, in schools now, my grandkids can’t sing anything with ‘god’ or ‘saint’ in it. It’s banned in the schools, the motherfuckers. Nothing like Santa Claus or baby Jesus, none of that shit.”

“I don’t use any of those words in my vocabulary.”

“Like my grandma said, ‘I make up words when I need ’em.’”

“Words are killing America.”

—j. tim raymond