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Ask Anyone

PET PEEVE

Ever since Obama won the election and promised his daughters they could get a dog, my children are nagging me for a dog. I point out our small house, our two cats, our fish, hamster, and parakeet. They stare at me, wide-eyed.

I tell them a dog is a lot of work. They say they’ll take care of it. I say, “That’s what you said about the cats, fish, hamster, and parakeet.” They stare at me, wide-eyed.

I say, “Look, it would be a lot different if I were the President of the United States and we had the whole White House grounds to let a dog run around on, not to mention Camp David. And it would be different if we had a whole staff around us 24-7 to help take care of all our animals. But you’re Dad isn’t the President of the United States, and he never will be.” They stare at me, wide-eyed, tears welling up, as if to say: If our Dad can’t be President, can’t we at least have a dog?

I have looked at this from every angle. I don’t think I have the money or energy to care for a dog, but I can no longer take the these insistent stares from my children. What can I do?

—The First Dog

The Practical Cogitator says: Well, last week on “60 Minutes” Michelle and Barack indicated that they would not be getting a dog until the whole family was successfully settled into the White House and all their respective routines. Meaning the girls settled in their new rooms, adjusted to their new school, folks adjusted to their new lives, in a new city, new house, etc. They left the issue very open- ended. I suggest that you continue to say “later.” Perhaps after the cat, fish, hamster and parakeet have lived their lives through, you may have the time, room and the energy for a dog.

The Straight Perspective: You tell your kids that they can have a dog, but only if they don’t mind that you feed him the other pets. Especially the hamster. I mean, really...there’s a reason Obama didn’t try to win our affections by offering his kids a hamster.

Dr. Sigmund Fraud says: I once had the opportunity to work with a deeply troubled young man. His mother had contacted me to see if there might be anything I could do in the way of therapy to help him discover the root cause of the demons that had driven him, since early adolescence, to commit various crimes that periodically landed him in juvenile detention centers. His mother appeared older than her years—the result of unrelenting worry about her wild boy, and fear for his eventual fate. We began with hypnosis. I spun a bright disk at the end of a chain before him, and he quickly sank into a calm trance. I told him he was eight years old, visiting his grandfather’s farm. (His mother had given me background information which I used to peer into his past.) I asked him to describe the scene to me. Slowly, he spoke, in a sleepy tone. “I hear barking.” “You hear barking,” I said, “where is it coming from?” He continued, “It’s coming from outside. From the neighbor’s yard.” I came to learn that the neighbors kept hunting dogs in cages behind the barn. “They’re hungry. They want me to feed them. I have nothing to feed them. I can’t stand the barking. I’m crying.” I brought him out of hypnosis. As our sessions progressed, I discovered that he eventually released the neighbor’s dogs from their cages and they ran away. The neighbor pressed charges, and he did his first stint in juvie. I asked his mother if he’d ever been given a dog of his own to care for. She said, “No.” I suggested that it might be a way to draw him out and overcome the sense of loss he was struggling with since his father had abandoned them both when he was very young. She agreed to give it a try. Within a week, I read in the paper that the pit bull they chose viciously mauled them both to within an inch of their lives.

I guess the moral is that getting a dog is a big decision. Tell your children this story and it should at least buy you some time.

Ask Anyone is local advice by and for local people. Please send your questions for our panel of experts to advice@artvoice.com.

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