pissed 'n' dissed

Recently, I attended a party for a friend at work who was transferring to another department in another town. I always had a bit of a crush on her, but I didn’t pursue it, since both of us were married and I wasn’t sure that the feeling was mutual.

Anyway, at the party, she made it known that she was interested in me. As the evening progressed, we both got caught up in the party atmosphere and we ended up getting together, (hand-holding, kissing, teenager-type stuff). It was the most exciting night that I have had in a long time, which should give you some perspective about the state of my marriage. Part of that evening, she was urging me to join Facebook, so that we could “stay in touch.” I always thought it was bit nerdy for my taste, but after my evening’s experience, I thought I would give it a try. Soon after I joined, I sent her a “friend invitation.” I never received a response, which I took to indicate that she was not interested. Needless to say, I was deeply disappointed. Am I overreacting? After all, it’s just friggin’ Facebook. But, on the other hand, a blowoff is a blowoff.

—P.O.’d in Cheektavegas

The Practical Cogitator says: Or maybe, this “blowoff” you describe is instead an incidence of her coming to her senses in the stark sobriety of the morning light.

Let me guess: Getting “caught up in the party atmosphere” involved an alcoholic beverage or two? Or seven?

The office party is a classic occasion for misbehavior between coworkers, but those who don’t want to ruin their home lives leave the misbehavior at the party. (“What happens at the office party stays at the office party.”)

Instead of being offended or disappointed, you might even be flattered that she considers a Facebook “friendship” with you to be dangerous enough to want to avoid it. Perhaps her feelings for you are so strong that she is afraid to continue your acquaintanceship, even through something as superficial as Facebook. (Among all the bad things that can be said about it, this is the first time I’ve heard FB described as “nerdy.” I’d love to get a look at you.)

Anyway, his little anecdote of yours lends some perspective as to the state of both your marriages. But I’d be more concerned about the state of yours, as your intention to continue this flirtation and your “deep disappointment” at her online rejection say much more than the drunken makeout session at the office party. That, and the fact that you’re giving such a commonplace little fling so much thought.

Dining Out says: It sounds like you need to grow up and face your problems. By “facing” your problems I don’t mean you should join Facebook. Don’t you think the whole Facebook movement is a little juvenile? If your relationship with this woman was even slightly legit or heading in the right direction, you’d be calling her up on the phone and meeting her in public—not in cyberspace. Cheating is cheating, whether it’s emotional, mental, or physical. Why don’t you try working on your real-life problems like what to do about your unhappy marriage.

Boy, do I feel sorry for your wife.

Ruthless says: Go ahead and be pissed if you want to. Who cares? She moved! I mean, what are you going to do? Never talk to her again? Seems like you already got that covered. Sabotage her at work? You now lack opportunity. Tell her husband she kissed you at her going away party?

Wait a minute—that’s not a bad idea!

Let’s see: If you have no info on her new circumstances, then Facebook may have been your only option for contact, in which case you’re out of luck. But if you have an address or phone number, or if you can track her down at her new office, then you’re ready to stalk and roll. Try to get her fired from her new job! Ruin her marriage! Destroy her reputation in her new town or city. We can’t have people being Facebook teases. I mean, she invited you (verbally, but whatever), you joined, and now you’re just stuck there in cyberspace looking like a Facebook loser. You should be pissed. Now go get some revenge!

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