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Ask Anyone

the lonely valentine

I’m not a one partner kind of guy. I feel like I’m too young to be pinned down right now, and I’m not ready to commit. Generally I’m happy playing the field. But it makes holidays difficult and frankly kind of lonely. Right now I’m seeing a couple people regularly and another person from time to time, and I don’t want to give any of them the wrong idea by spending Valentine’s Day with one of them. That hurts everyone’s feelings, of course, at least a little bit. But so would feelings be hurt if I singled out one lover. Add to that the fact that I hate to be alone. What’s the answer?

—Everything to All People

The Practical Cogitator says: Are you being honest with these dates? Because if they’re likely to get upset that you’re not with them for Valentine’s Day, chances are they think you have a more serious relationship than you do. Which must be because you let them think that. Which is kind of cruddy of you. Suck it up, tell them the truth, and go see your parents for Valentine’s Day.

The Straight Perspective says: Don’t feel bad! Soon the various folks you’re dating will figure out that you don’t want to get serious, and they’ll go find someone who does; you won’t have to feel guilty. Just lonely. And at some point when you feel lonely enough, you’ll decide to get serious, too. Let’s just hope that when that time comes around you find someone who’s not playing the field.

Dining Out says: Since you can’t stand to be alone on V-Day and you don’t want to mislead your harem, why don’t you visit the SPCA and adopt a furry critter. Maybe “man’s best friend” will teach you a thing or two about unconditional love and loyalty. And you can still benefit from all the wonderful activities couples do together…like taking an afternoon nap, going for a long stroll in the park, and splitting a gourmet steak dinner.

present wisdom

I’m stumped: What’s a good Valentine’s Day present for my girlfriend?

—Giftless

The Straight Perspective says: The best Valentine’s present would be a set of coupons. It would be like the ones you used to make for your parents for their birthdays, only instead of forgetting about them, you’d actually fulfill them: You’d wash the car, shovel the walk, walk the dogs when it’s snowing, be the one who gets up to make the coffee, make a nice dinner, and so forth.

The Practical Cogitator says: One of the best Valentine’s Day presents I ever got was about a year’s supply of coffee beans. But I think I’d be equally happy with a long supply of anything: dish soap, toothpaste, light bulbs. All those things I know I’m about to run out of, then do run out of, then forget to pick up at the store. I mean, it’s nice to know that your love thinks of you whenever she sees a bouquet of roses, but imagine if you could make her think of you even when she’s looking at the toilet paper.

Dining Out says: The perfect V-Day gift? It comes in a little blue box with a white ribbon…

Candid Camera says: One AV contributor says the best present she ever got was a heart-shaped liverwurst sandwich from her husband. It was years ago, but the answer jumped right out of her when we posed this question. She’s never forgotten how moved she was by the gesture.

Who could have predicted anyone could be so pleased by a liverwurst sandwich cut into the shape of a heart? Answer: her husband, of course. The takeaway? How the hell can we know what your loved one needs or wants? Or, for that matter, what you are able to give? It’s no good to ask a bunch of strangers; you have to do a little work on this yourself.

That said, flowers and jewelry are clichés for a reason: They work.

Ask Anyone is local advice by and for local people. Please send your questions for our panel of experts to advice@artvoice.com.

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