My My My My Poker Face

A 48-year-old Niagara Falls woman faces more serious charges on Aug. 28 after (falsely) telling Dollar Store employees who suspected her of shoplifiting that she was carrying a gun. Police charged the woman—who learned a valuable lesson on bluffing—with burglary.

Unrealized Ambition

Three years of fruitlessly beating his head against Albany’s doors trying to gain support for his 2020 iniative was apparently all that UB President John Simpson could handle. The defeated dreamer announced his retirement on Aug. 30—bon voyage!

"Bribery

A Congressional Ethics panel cleared Republican Chris Lee of Clarance on Aug. 31 of accepting improper contributions in exchange for voting against the financial reform bill. Duh, everyone knows Republicans don’t need bribes to vote Big Business.

Persuasive Arguments

On Aug. 31, just five days after being praised for convincing the City Grill shooting suspect to turn himself in to police, local activist Darnell Jackson himself surrendered in connection with an alleged witness intimidation case. Damn, that guy is good.

Smoking

In the face of a federal judge’s ruling to reinstate a 2009 restraining order, aspokesman for Gov. David Paterson announced on Sept. 1 that NY would halt efforts to collect sales tax on cigarettes sold on tribal reservations. And the lordsaid, let the people smoke!

Maximum years former truck driver Thomas M. Wallace will spend in prison stemming from his guilty plea to second degree manslaughter in the vehicular death of a Snyder mother of two. Wallace, who was sentenced to three to nine years on Sept. 1 in a Batavia courtroom, was watching pornography on his laptop at the time of the crash.