Valentine’s Day—a commercial invention with a cloying brand identity. But who can say no to love, no matter the package? We can’t. And neither can our readers, who swamped our inboxes and the bustling Artvoice mailroom with Love Notes once again this year. Winnowing the wheat from the chaff is heartless work. Every entry we received—saucy, sappy, good, bad, weird, banal—was illuminated by its subject matter. Or nearly. We can’t print them all, however, though we wish we could; in love, as in all things, there are winners and losers. So, employing a delicately weighted balloting system, our blue-ribbon panel of romance analysts cast their jaundiced eyes on this year’s submissions and chose three winners. We include as well a handful of honorable mentions whose paeans demanded public exposure, for good or for ill.

Our grand prize this year is dinner for two at the Brownstone Seafood House and Oyster Bar and two tickets to any 2006 production at the Irish Classical Theatre. The first runner up takes home a gift certificate to the Park Lane Restaurant and two tickets to any 2006 production at the Kavinoky Theatre. Second runner up wins dinner for two at Trattoria Aroma.

The Grand Prize

My Dearest Geek:

So they say you are a geek,
Just cuz you update software once a week.
Routers, modem, internet,
Flatscreen monitors, we have a matching set.
Instead of X’s and O’s, our binary love is zero’s and one’s.
My nerdy stud, I love you tons!

First Runner Up

Dear Rachel,
I’ve waited all this time
for this day to arrive,
to tell you how I really feel
deep down inside.
Give me one shot,
because I think you’re super hot.
I want to put you on your backside
and take you for a joyride.
So you should come out and play
this Valentine’s Day.
Love, Jimmy

Second Runner Up

I prefer to show you my love, so I
remove my hair from the drain everyday
eat peanut butter-n-crackers so you can eat leftover curry
rub your shoulders with aching fingers
listen to you sleep to stop my tossing and turning
I often wish I did more.

Spicy Love

To the world’s best singer
You’ve rounded my Tierra Del Fuego
and toasted a warm Brazil
you’ve made me your eternal navigator
sliding through canal locks
on my pink Panama
I love you
Your sound man

♥

you the fire
my sweet, soft dyke
you tenderly approach me
knowing I lack the patience to
compete for your attention
you reassure me with your lips
we are gorgeous
no need for modesty in love’s paradise
you are all of my lovers and
no one I have met.

♥

True Love

Flowers for Ingrid

She’s born the day after love,
Romance adorned through birth
She walks with poise and grace
Tenderly taking each step and stomp
With carefree, she laughs and dances
Defying the normalcy of it all
I watch her sleep, delicately heavy,
It’s I whose eyes grace that true love of mine.

♥

For My Girlfriend

I perceive you, greet you
warmly with open arms
love in every hello
Make out
in your car,
at the store,
cooking, eating, meeting, seeing,
playing, walking, talking, singing,
sharing, praying,
holding, hugging, kissing,
loving, feeling, us
positive flow, negative flow
embracing every part of you,
every moment with you

♥

(Self) Love

To Laurie—
Who do I love?
As I wait another lonely Valentine’s Day?
The answer is this—
I love myself—even as I await your kiss!!
You won’t call,
or show up.
But that’s okay,
Because I love me anyway.
So this is to Laurie
Have a great Valentine’s Day.
From, Laurie

♥

“Priceless” Love

Kevin,
That other Kelly Clarkson movie: $1.25
Pair of Faded Glory jeans: $2.50
Tickets to Cirque de Trajic: too much
Listening to Tina “diamond”: 4 cocktails
Singing Debbie Gibson at 2am: priceless
I love you! Bottoms up!
Mrs. Ritchie

♥

Cinematic Sweethearts

Edward Scissorhands,
I never dreamed I’d find someone so much like myself. I promise to bandage all of your cuts and open all of your candy bars forever. Will you keep my bob perfectly trimmed for the rest of our days? You are sweeter than chocolate!
Love always,
Willy Wonka

♥

Sweetiepants,
I love you because you are willing to be photographed as cowboy Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain to my (female) Jake Gyllenhaal for the sake of our Oscar party invitation. And because you forgave me for buying you fake Birkenstocks on eBay for Christmas.
Love,
Your Wife

♥

To mi frijolito,
Thank you for letting me be your “Princess Bride” despite my lack of charm, the complexity of our lives and the powers so dark. Our love may not always be a perfect story but I know that it is uniquely ours.
Tu esposa

♥

To my beloved Peter Pan,
Roses are red—
But they wilt and the fade.
The only thing worse—
A girl that’s been played!
From Tinkerbell

♥

Doin’ It for the Kids

I glanced at you, then at our son, he resembled you in every way.
Then I realized we both had an overwhelming capacity to love and be loved.
Despite everything, you have been my rock and I your salvation, and that little boy, the joy that keeps us both alive.
Happy Valentine’s Day,
Lois

♥

Beth and Tony are deeply in love.
They’ve sacrificed everything to be together.
They dance when they don’t have the will to move.
They are there for their children.
They look into each other’s eyes and know it’s worth every moment.
Beth and Tony are deeply in love.

♥

Fatalistic. But Nice.

Crimson Love

Under moonlit skies
We kiss.
And listen to the faint beating of each other’s heart
The only sound penetrating the silence.
The scattered stars in the night sky
Have only one purpose tonight,
To smile upon us as does the moon
And expose our crimson love.
Love that will last forever
Even if we do not.

♥

Feelin’ Felix

I fantasize you’re still alive and waiting for my call.
A phone booth in New Mexico—
a dark, secluded hall leads somewhere through a rabbit hole
and onto a page of Valentine nectar
as Psyche the slave!
­—Khimm Graham

♥

Local Lovers

Written in the Stars

(an ode to Mike from Melissa)
Chillin’ at the Pink
how was I to think
A simple glance
led to taking a chance
Here I am
just a ram
In love with a goat
who makes my heart float
This is so sappy
you make me so happy
Something I had to say
On Valentine’s Day!

♥

To: Theresa Schweikhard
You will always be that
happy woman on Main Street
who said “good morning” to me
with a smile that outshone the sun!
My mother told me, “River, if you’re
lucky, you’ll come across an angel once
in your lifetime…This is that moment…
Because of you!
I Love You!

♥

The Look of Love

be mine

I hear you breathe,
Feel the rise of your chest.
I attempt to imitate
the metered rhythm.
I listen to your heart
Imagining,
that mine beats the same.
I glance at your dark eyes,
grasping at thoughts
that glimmer, then fade.
You look down at me.
I lower my lashes.

♥

Love Lasts

A light drizzle falls
Through the leaves of the trees
How wonderfully in love
When she’s here with me
Her eyes like a brook
Sparkling diamonds in the light
Anticipating the way they call me
Each and every night
No love having been more true
I hope to spend my life with you

♥

for all the times i’ve seen your smile,
which made me smile too,
for all the times you acted like a child,
i never stopped loving you.

♥

I knew you were someone special
and that we were meant to be.
Time stood still around us;
you were all my eyes could see.
I’ve been told that love’s confusing,
but I must disagree;
everything makes perfect sense—
as long as you’re with me.

♥

Love Pleads

Cari, words can’t describe how much I miss you. I think of you often and even after all these years I still love you as much as I did not long ago. Let’s give true love one more chance. N?

♥

Love Yearns

Saeydyythe:
Constant pain was banished
with one kiss.
Tied to you, my soul is on fire.
Your love I can not dismiss.
It is you I will always miss.
—Wilderlove

♥

Poems for People

with Nicknames

icandy…on 11/9/05 you walked in and I woke up and I’ll never look back again on my broken soul…you are so hypnotic on my heart…I am healed, happy and hopeful today because you walked in and I woke up…your little snowbunny

♥

When the wand’ring bees take to the swollen breeze, fated
To dance on the tips of the sweetest blooms, sated
And quenched, their nature and mine, equated
As I am, in bliss, borne from your tender kiss, elated
To: Gooner
From: Stinky

♥

Duck,
Roses are
Violets are
You are
the
star-eyes
rockstar
to my radio
if you’ll be
you are
the only
ambulance
for my
emergency
the only
darkling
for my night
the only see
for my cannot
flowers at my feet
sugar is sugar
and you are reds & blues & gleam,
you are better than sweet.
Yours, Dove

♥

Poems that Rhyme

The Marquee say DAPHNE
Hope life is happy
Not a fan, not groupie
You know me from drives in your hooptie.
Don’t want your autograph,
or your hand
Remember the good times we had.
So I bestow
some words for you to know
You’re surely missed
Even though I’m soloist.

♥

For Dave:
For many months I’ve felt
My mind was just too weary
That in my head was a kitchen
sink clog—
Big, and dank, and hairy
But since you plunged into
my life, Dave,
That clog that’s in my brain-o
Has disappeared, and frankly dear,
I believe you were my “Drano”
tee hee, Dee

♥

To the Guy That Passed Me By

Thanks for lunch
It was swell
And for my brashness
I beg your pardon
But I really wanted to be kissing you
in Cupid’s garden
—dot.com

♥

To My Favorite Drag Queen:
Princess, you are my bestest friend,
You always have a smooth, waxed rear end.
Though jerks may yell out “chicks with !?@”
We just shop it off at Frederick’s!

♥

Poems with Happy Endings (No, Not That Kind)

Valentine’s Day 2003…I made one last phone call left a message…and wished upon a star.
3 days later…my phone rang…I’ll forever owe that star!!
I love you, Jaime!!!
—Greg

♥

To: Jonathan Moses
Pirate jokes and Thursday crosswords
Drew a path to something great.
Rambling through our late night secrets,
To wake with you I cannot wait.
I knew my life was far from over,
but my knight was very late.
From that first night to our last night,
every day is our first date.
I love you!
Love, Jenni

♥

And One in Italian

Bellissima dolcezza Tori,
Mi manci tanto.
Amore, Bruce