girls rule, boys drool

My daughter recently broke up with her boyfriend. She asked me to return some very extravagant gifts he’d given her because she doesn’t feel right keeping them. I thought it might be nice of her to include a little note, but she doesn’t want to. She confessed that a lot of the reason she broke up with him is because he had some personality “quirks”—namely, a penchant for shoplifting, aggressive behavior, and a racist bent. I know his mother fairly well—and I like her. She called me after the break up to ask what went wrong, and at that point I didn’t know the reasons (not that I wanted to get involved). My question is this: Would it be appropriate for me to send the gifts back c/o the mother, with a note from me suggesting these troubling personality traits exist? If she doesn’t know, she might want to talk to him. On the other hand, it’s possible she’s a racist kleptomaniac herself.

—Lightfingers

The Sales Guy says: Tell me, what gave your daughter the first clue he may have problems? Which clue was it ?The Gucci shoes, the vintage jewelry with inscriptions to others, the bloody bling. As far as giving the stuff back to his mother you would have better luck returning it to the robbery division of your local police station. She may be a bad judge of boyfriends but no need to be charged as an accomplice as well! And a bad judge of dates besides.

Roller Girl says: If his mother is not observant enough to pick up on these problems on her own, then odds are good she’s wilfully not seeing them. Getting involved in this is probably not a good idea for you, as it indubitably goes deeper than simple curiosity on her part.

Ruthless says: You gonna start some shit, talkin’ about other people’s kids?

Bad idea. This is a case where someone is definitely going to shoot the messenger, be it this kid’s mom, dad, aunt, godmother, shop teacher, or the kid himself. And you, being the messenger, will bear the brunt of all the animosity held by a teenager scorned in love (at least I assume these are teenagers, with the extent of your meddling. Can’t your daughter use a mailbox?). Would you want to hear accusations against your child, made by someone who rejected her? You must, because I predict that’s exactly what you’re going to get: As soon as the other mother opens your note, expect her to unleash a torrent of her own accusations against your precious angel.

Do not open this box of worms, unless you’re ready to go to bat like you’re on the Jerry Springer Show.

WATERCOOLER CHAT

I recently started a new job at a company where everyone is pretty chummy. I’ve already made fast friends with the girl who sits in the cubicle next to me. The whole office goes out for happy hour every Friday, and I’ve already met most of the staff’s husbands, wives, boyfriends, and girlfriends. My friend who sits next to me has a serious boyfriend, they just got engaged and are planning to move in together (she wouldn’t move in with him until that engagement ring was on her finger!). Anyway, long story short: I went to get my haircut at my usual place and I was telling my hairdresser about my new job. She was like, “Oh, then you must know so-and-so”— meaning the friend who sits next to me. THEN she starts telling me all about this girl’s boyfriend—now fiancee—and how he cheats on her all the time and has at least two different girlfriends going behind her back. So the question is: What do I do? Should I tell my new friend what I heard? I’d hate to have to sit next to her all the time she’s planning her wedding, knowing what I now know.

—About to Explode

The Practical Cogitator says: To tell or not to tell? On the one hand, if you tell her, You might be able to save her a broken heart, or you’ll surely expedite it. You may save her (and her parents) a lot of expensive wedding plans, not to mention the future legal separation fees. So, financially, I think you’d be saving her a lot of time and money. But then again, who made you the Heart Police? Or the Savings Account Fairy? On the other hand, if you tell her, she may think you are lying, displace her aggression and be mad at you! Or, On the other hand, even worse, she may make you her new workplace BFF, her confidant, and constantly bombard you with situational advice requests, to fill the void. She sits in the cubicle next to you, right?

How many hands is that? I wouldn’t say a thing.

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