The Bugatti Veyron EB 16.4

As someone who spends a lot of his time around cars, I suppose I should be excited about the Veyron. But you know what? I rank it right up there on my list with Paris Hilton, the Dallas reunion movie and listening to Dick Cheney. It’s overpriced, over-styled and ridiculously over-consuming.

But I realize that some of you out there are actually into cars such as the the Veyron—good lord, maybe you even read Paris Hilton’s press releases and listen to Dick Cheney. So for you, here’s the scoop.

Of course you’re already aware that the Bugatti name goes way back to 1909, when the famed Ettore Bugatti and his family started hand-assembling their own “automotive pieces of art,” which were quickly scooped up by the great and the good of the period. The marque disappeared from the scene in the late 1940s, then reappeared in the late 1990s, when Volkswagen was busy trying to once again become a world automotive power by widely diversifying its portfolio (about this time they also acquired Bentley). They purchased the Bugatti name for a song, then spent big—and I mean big—bucks developing a car to go with it.

From its shape, you won’t be surprised to learn the Veyron is likely the fastest, or at least most powerful, production car on the planet. Check out these specs: an eight-liter, quad-turbo, DOHC W-16 engine rated at 1,001 horsepower (if you’re wondering what the heck is a W-16, picture a V-8 from the front, four cylinders on each side forming a “V,” and then picture two of those side-by-side like a “W”); seven-speed, dual-clutch, automatic transmission driving all four wheels; a top speed of 253 miles per hour. The tires, as you can imagine on a car with such speed capabilities, are huge—Michelin Pilots, 265-680/YR-500 in the front, and 365-710/YR-540 in the rear. The interior is equally impressive, as it should be in a car with a price tag of $1.3 million.

Did you say, “How’s the gas mileage?” Surely you jest. Here’s a clue: There’s a 25.9-gallon tank hiding in there somewhere. In normal use, if there is such a thing, Bugatti claims 12 miles per gallon—Automobile magazine guesses, though, that at full throttle you’ll get about four. Probably not a problem for those who can afford such a car. Apparently one must check his/her consumption guilt at the dealership door.

You won’t find the EB 16.4 down at the local VW store. You may not even find it at your favorite Bentley dealership, as VW has set up a network of only 20 dealers worldwide, with the closest to us being in Troy, Michigan, just a stone’s throw from VW’s North American headquarters in Auburn Hills. Ready to buy? Drop them a line at mvazana@suburbancollection.com and be prepared for a wait—they don’t have a lot full of these things just lying around waiting for customers to show up, but they’ll gladly take your order with a deposit of $370,000. If you don’t have the cash, your new Rolls-Royce might just do the trick.

What in the name of God’s fossilized fuel supply could cause such a high price tag? VW is housing Bugatti’s managing director in a renovated castle in Molsheim, France, the town historically important as Bugatti’s birthplace and the present home of its newly constructed final assembly building—which you can bet ain’t no Joe’s Garage. Cars are hand-built to your order from only the finest components money can buy.

And for all of this you get a measly two-year/31,000-mile warranty. And the guarantee that should you break down a personal mechanic will be at your side within 24 hours.

Hey, you get what you pay for.

More info at: www.bugatti-cars.de.

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