i just gotta sing

Hi. I’m writing with a little dilemma I have about my brother. He has his heart set on trying out for a talent show—American Idol, I think, or something like that. But here’s the thing: he’s an awful singer.

He’s like the people you see in the first round who leave the judges totally mystified and cracking up. I don’t want to tell him this, but I also don’t want him to travel to wherever and sing in front of people and get totally mocked out. What should I do?

—Simon Says

Dr. Sigmund Fraud says: Consider the experience of William James Hung Hing Cheong, who gained widespread fame thanks to an appearance on American Idol in 2004. William Hung, as he is known, bravely performed a version of the Ricky Martin hit “She Bangs,” which elicited laughter from two of the judges, and typically snide putdowns from acidic judge Simon Cowell. “I already gave my best, and I have no regrets at all,” Hung confidently replied.

A subsequent Web site set up by Hung’s fans registered four million hits in its first week. He received a $25,000 advance to record three disks of covers for Koch Entertainment, and he made several appearances on very popular TV and radio shows. He then appeared in television commercials and films, including a documentary exploring his unexpected rise to fame.

Some commentators claimed that Hung’s success was due to racial stereotyping that paints Asians as nerds with strong accents who have no musical ability. Others argued that he was a talentless victim of a cruel joke played out on a national scale. I prefer to think of Hung as an inspirational figure, and I hope that the big, cruel, shallow world he bravely faced has not convinced him to regret having given his best musical performance. Humble courage is a much rarer quality than a great singing voice—which has a lot to do with the luck of bone composition, lung capacity, sinus structure, and so on.

It’s clear that you love your brother and don’t want to see his feelings hurt. However, there really is nothing for you to do. You are playing with dynamite when you discourage the dreams of others, however ill-advised you feel them to be.

I’m also concerned that your real, unspoken fear is that you will become an object of ridicule if your brother goes through with his plan. To explore this, why don’t we go out for drinks sometime and sing our hearts out at a karaoke bar? You need to loosen up, baby, and let your inner siren soar.

Sales Guy says: I recently had a conversation with a young woman who actually went through the American Idol experience. It’s not exactly what America thinks happens.

One very integral part is unseen by home viewers. Between the standing in line with thousands of fame seekers and the Simon, Randy and Paula part is the unseen interview process that determines who has game, who has charisma, who is so bad they can be painfully entertaining, etc. There’s a battery of these interviews before a contestant see the judges. Hope that helps your decision, because your bro could be picked for fame or infamy.

The Practical Cogitator says: I learned this song as a child at Summer Camp:

You gotta sing when your spirit says sing,

You gotta sing when your spirit says sing,

When your spirit says sing, you gotta sing right along

You gotta sing when your spirit says sing.

You gotta dance when your spirit says dance,

You gotta dance when your spirit says dance,

When your spirit says dance, you gotta dance right along

You gotta dance when your spirit says dance.

Let your brother sing if his spirit wants to sing. In fact I think you should support your brother and go with him to the audition, sit in the audience, and clap your ass off.

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