And the winner is...

Shop in your underwear!” one billboard used to read for a local car dealer. It was referring of course to the fact that its inventory was online and could be browsed in the comfort of your own home—in your underwear (or not).

1976 Olds

And if you’ve ever browsed a car dealer’s inventory online, you probably realized at some point you still have to head out the door before you actually can buy anything. Tires must be kicked, papers must be signed, and spirits must be broken in the finance manager’s office. Some, however, find that shopping on eBay is simpler, as long as they keep in mind that old “let the buyer beware” adage that looms as a giant asterisk over the entire Web site.

That being said, if you’re looking for something completely different in a set of wheels, eBay’s the place to go. In a matter of a few minutes I stumbled across these gems (and to give you the entire eBay experience, I’ll quote right from the seller’s own words):

“One of a kind Ford Pinto—1978—Baby Blue—1 owner.” Right there you know you’re onto something. “If you want a classic…this is one of them.” And even if you don’t, I guess it still is. “This car has seen only one winter, it has been stored the balance of the winters.” Which makes this next item a little puzzling: “You will need to change out all the hoses. We have done this in the past due to some cracking from the harsh winters in the area.” You wouldn’t think the winters would be that harsh in the garage. Here’s the salemaker though: “I have included a picture of the hub caps (wires), that are clickers. When driven at a slow speed you can hear them clicking.” Wish I’d thought of that when I was selling cars! As of this writing: 13 bids, up to $1,944. The reserve price had not yet been met.

You say a Pinto (even a classic) isn’t what you’re looking for? How about this: “1999 Chevrolet Metro Lsi!!! Lady Owned!!!!!” Lady-owned? Having grown up listening to comedians talk about “women drivers,” I’m not so sure that’s a real selling point. Then again, I’m not so sure “man owned” sounds much better. Maybe what she was trying for was “little old lady,” as cars owned by them have always held a certain mystique in the used-car market, especially if they were only driven to church on Sundays. “The car has 207,000.” Now, I’m assuming those are miles. The car is in Endicott, Maryland, and unless this lady’s church is in Salt Lake City…I don’t know. “The body is in excellent condition.” I’ll assume again—she’s talking about the car and not herself. This auction has no reserve and the bids (11 so far) were up to $510. Judging from the photos (and that’s about all eBay bidders have to go on unless they live in town), this car’s worth more than that, as the body and interior look like—well, they look like they were taken care of by a little old lady!

Other “interesting” finds: 1990 Subaru Justy AWD (205K)—27 bids, now at $1,225; 1990 VW Fox station wagon with trick wheels, zero bids so far (!); and a “measure your garage before you buy” 1976 Oldsmobile 98 four-door hardtop with a starting bid price of $3,500 and also with zero bids.

I’ll admit to having wasted countless hours of my life reading the eBay motors listings. And I’ve actually bought a car I saw listed there (although I waited until the auction was over as the guy was right in Buffalo and it just seemed easier). If you, too, have countless hours to waste, get down to your underwear and head on over to motors.ebay.com and tell ’em I sent you.